I hate nights like these, I hate missing him. One day, I don’t think of him, and next, I realize that I still love him. I want to hold him, to feel his arms around me. I want to feel safe and loved again. I want this loneliness to be over, to stop fearing that it will never abate. Why can’t my heart just feel whole again? It’s been over a year, and I’m still not over him. He continues to invade my thoughts and perpetuates my insecurities. I hate knowing that I wasn’t enough and hate that I threw him away when I could have had him again. I miss him. I miss feeling loved. I miss feeling wanted. What I would give to fall asleep in his arms again, to kiss him, to think of nothing else but his love.
I wish I could have been enough, and that he had chosen a life with me.
